


Even Though I Hide it

by LunaAmatista



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Or not, Pining, ntr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8033911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaAmatista/pseuds/LunaAmatista
Summary: There is a right time for everything.





	1. Chapter 1

_“Will you be my partner?”_

Dreaming of a recurrent memory woke you up. You tossed around in bed and grabbed your phone from the bedside table. 3:09 in the morning. You sat up and drowsily rubbed your eyes as you looked to your right side. The thought of a frown crossed your mind - not a frown quite yet, it was too early for this kind of energy expense. Or too late, if you were like _someone_. You turned around to place your feet on the floor, straightened your shirt, and stood up to go towards the source of the light that seeped in through the crack of the bedroom door. 

You knocked gently on the section of the wall beside the desk in the living room. 

“Huh?” 

Jaehee’s brown eyes looked up from the piles of books, articles, and whatever sort of legal papers that littered the desk before taking a second to find yours. She blinked a few times before you could see in them a clarity uncharacteristic for someone who was up at 3 a.m. 

“What’s wrong, can’t sleep?” she asked.

“That’s my line, isn’t it?” you said with a yawn, “I was worried you weren’t there. Still working?” 

“Yes… I was reading a few articles on independent business owners and how they manage to stay afloat during the first year, especially, and then how in the two years following…” 

You walked up to her left side and placed a hand on the back of her chair, while you looked at her unravel in that way she so often did when it came to topics she felt passionate about. 

“Jaehee.” 

“…to achieve that, a market study would probably be necessary; first, there could be a pre opening, like the pilot of a…” 

“Jaehee,” you said a bit more firmly, “Rest up. If you lose sleep, tomorrow you won’t be able to keep on working with a clear mind.” 

“Ah… You’re right.” She shifted on her chair in order to turn just enough to grab your hand and place it over her shoulder, which she leaned on slightly without removing her own hand. “I just… Hadn’t had a direction for so long. It’s hard not to start running now that I’ve found it, but I keep forgetting I could fall.” She tightened her grip on your hand and lowered her voice. “Thanks for keeping me in check. It’s only thanks to you that I can even have this much.” 

She looked up at you, her glance softened, and smiled. Your hold on the her shoulder tightened a bit as you felt a small pang of loneliness hit you. 

“Jaehee, you did everything yourself. Thanks for letting me support you and be part of it.” A comfortable silence lingered for a second. “Come to bed, okay? ‘The work will still be there tomorrow, Assistant Kang,’” you said, finishing your words with a drop in pitch and an increase in monotony that you hoped would emulate Jumin’s. 

Jaehee giggled a bit. A job well done. “Yes, I’ll put these in order and go right to bed. You go on ahead.” She squeezed your hand tighter for an instant before removing it, pushing back the chair, and standing up to sort things in place.

“Fine. Don’t take long, okay?” 

“Mhm!~” was the only response before you returned to the bedroom to sleep again. 

You slid back in under the sheets and turned on your right side so that you’d be able to see her when she laid down. 

It was so painful, waiting this long. 

She was someone so strong, so capable. Despite every single time she’d told you everything she did was thanks to you, you kept wondering if she really needed you by her side. After she had opened up to the members of the RFA, not only you, but everyone - except Jumin - had tried their best to support her. Zen, in particular, came to mind. It still ached that he had been the one to comfort her that time she realized that life under the corporate fist was not for her, that she felt trapped and needed to forge her own path, that… 

That she loved you? You had been so hopeful then, but as one, two, three months passed, it felt as though maybe she had grown attached to you simply because of that female bond Yoosung kept talking about. She had said she might know how to describe it by the time her hair grew out, but not once had the words come out of her lips. Not once had she attempted to get any closer than the odd hand holding, than the small, discreet touches to your shoulders and arms. Hadn’t it been long enough? Perhaps, in the heat of the moment, you had misinterpreted the words she’d said back then, and what had seemed so clear to you was not really what she meant. Not romantic. A respectful kind of liking. That was it. Had you really done anything significant?… 

“Hey,” Jaehee whispered, as she sat in bed and pushed a strand of her now mid-neck length hair behind her ear, “are you up?” 

By the time she’d come into the room, sleep and your thoughts had already defeated you. She contemplated you for a few seconds and smiled softly seeing you, the person she loved, sleeping quietly in the same bed as her. Very gently, her fingertips touched the palm of your right hand, which had been left exposed. Your hand quivered a bit from feeling tickled and you closed it loosely. Jaehee let out a quiet giggle and laid down facing you. 

“I guess not. Then… good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing not-for-school in about ten years. English is also my second language, so please forgive me if anything's weird. ^^;; 
> 
> Very loosely inspired by an idea of (the devil) Nami's/@sounoichi. If you look hard, you can find the thread.
> 
> Character/additional tags will be added as needed. Currently unrated. 
> 
> If you're curious about the title, look for poem 40 of the Hyakunin Isshu anthology. 
> 
> If you've made it this far, thanks for reading! Feel free to shoot @LunaAmatista a tweet if you'd like to talk!
> 
> Next chapter: why do two gals who are also pals live and sleep together?


	2. Chapter 2

Jaehee’s alarm went off at 8:00 a.m. sharp and was met with a soft groan from you. Usually, if not the alarm, your voice would have been enough to get her to wake up. This time, however, the alarm kept on ringing irritatingly while she slept.

Her old work habits meant she usually slept with her phone close to her hands, which, fortunately, in this instance meant it was resting between your pillows and you could get to it without having to step out of bed.

“Good morning~”

“Ghd mrngm…”

The edges of your lips curved slightly. Seemed she wasn’t waking up. Unusual for her, but that meant you could do something for her for once.

You decided to let her rest a bit longer and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. 

Long ago, she had told you to start a bad morning with sweets and coffee, so you hoped to ease the feelings of last night and start over in the same way. Though she’d likely say something about her weight, hopefully such a thing would also make her happy as well. Two birds with one stone.

You set about preparing a kettle with water to warm the French press with, and in the meantime, started getting out ingredients to make pancakes. Strawberry would be fine. When Jaehee had mentioned in the RFA chat that she wanted to try making a variety of strawberry based jams and pastries to sell at her coffee shop, Jumin, in his odd way of caring for people, had sent you an entire box right out of a strawberry farm, so you had an excess of them.

The kitchen that had once contained less than the necessities for a single person now showed signs of liveliness. Jaehee was neat - and you did your best to match her up -, but there would be the occasional item left out for the night, the pantry was stocked rather than simply sufficient, and more specialized cooking utensils, like sieves, whisks, and, of course, Zen’s hand mill and your own French press, filled the empty spaces. 

❧ ❧ ❧

“Hey,” you whispered into Jaehee’s ear, “let’s get out of here.”

The party had ended, and cleanup had started inside the venue while Jumin and Zen, the public relations faces of the RFA, greeted away the last few guests at the lobby. You and Jaehee were standing together by the door, checking off guest departures and contributions on a list you held in a clipboard.

Jaehee took a peek inside the hall and confirmed that the hired staff, plus 707 and Yoosung, were still doing cleanup work behind the doors. 

“I would love to, but I’m afraid we should wait for the…”

“Yooo, my two princesses!” Zen had snuck in between you two from behind and placed a hand on each of your shoulders, eliciting a startled gasp and a small jump from Jaehee and a shrug from you. You had expected him not to be shy about personal space, but that didn't mean either of you weren't.

“Zen!” she exclaimed, “you…!”

“Ladies, it’s time you got out, before Jumin tries to recruit either of you again,” he looked over at Jumin, who had been caught in conversation with a particularly insistent guest, “and the time would be just about now! I’ll back you up.” 

Zen gave you a soft push before walking ahead of you toward Jumin in a way that seemed to ask to follow him. His quiet order was met with a quiet obedience, with you two exchanging knowing glances as you walked a few paces behind him. 

“Yo, trust fund kid!”

“Zen!” Jumin’s voice went down to a hush, “that is a highly inappropriate comment to make in front of our esteemed guest. If you would please excuse his attitude…” 

While Jumin reprimanded him, Zen gave you two a wink to signal you to get out. You kept on walking as though you meant business, as though Jumin couldn’t see you at all, as though it was only the two of you in the world that had opened up as you crossed the doors and were met with a clear sky that was about to meet the sunset amidst its clouds.

The sky made you think of the Jaehee who had so often looked at it and thought of you in turn, but for the first time, the sky that held the same meaning to both was in both of your sights. Your eyes looked to the side and were met with the same motion from hers. Together, you laughed. 

❧ ❧ ❧

With no time to waste, you had done everything you could think of: you’d been window shopping, stopped by a coffee shop Jaehee had been wanting to check out, tried – and failed – to find something to watch at the cinema, and had eventually ended up talking on a bench in some park while looking at nothing but time passing by. 

“Jaehee,” you had to interrupt at some point, “isn’t it time we went home?” The chatty Jaehee’s expression went blank for a moment, before you quickly interjected: “We can watch a movie and have dinner or something, but these heels are killing me.” 

“Ah!” she said in a voice that sounded like relief, “I’m sorry I didn’t notice…” 

The silence lingered for a few seconds.

“That’s all right, the company was far more enjoyable,” you said, and thought you saw a hint of red tinge her cheeks under the dim lights that lined the park’s sidewalks. “It can be your place or mine if it’s a bother, but, ah, I might have to run home and grab a change of cloth…” 

“That’s fine!” Jaehee startled both you and herself with her sudden raise in volume and excitement. She diverted her eyes briefly before looking back at you. “That’s fine. We can go to my apartment. I can lend you my clothes. Is… is that alright with you?” 

You gave no semblance of doubt as you nodded. “Shall we head back, then?” 

❧ ❧ ❧

Even though you had been up since early to prepare for the party, you had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, with her showing you her favorite snippets of Zen’s musicals while you sat on the couch and ate a dinner you’d fixed out of anything you could find in her nearly empty kitchen. Back then, you had felt – as she likely had as well – that going to sleep would end a dream you hadn’t realized you were having, and when you woke up, reality would have caught up to you and you wouldn’t see her anymore. 

But tiredness had gotten the best of you, and at some point, you started dozing off on her shoulder. When she gently nudged you and called your name to wake you, the TV was off, and the only light came from the screen of her phone. 

“Shall we call it a night, then?” 

No lie would have earned you her acknowledgement when you had clearly been tired enough to fall asleep on her, so a soft “Mhm” was her heads up to help you up and hold your hand to take you to her own bedroom through the darkness of her apartment.

Her mattress was Queen size – the only luxury she had allowed herself upon moving to this place – and could easily accommodate both of you, but as she let you sit down on its right side, which was closest to the door, she stood still, fidgeting with her hair, and looked away from you. 

“Ah, so… If it’s uncomfortable for you, I should go sleep on the couch… Good night…” 

“Jaehee, no,” your groggy self managed to say, “stay here. It’s fine if it’s you.” 

She was incredibly thankful you couldn’t see her face as she walked up to the opposite side of the bed and laid down beside you. 

❧ ❧ ❧

It had not taken much to decide that you would be moving into her place. You had been spending most of your time hanging out with her, and with her being unemployed and wanting to invest her savings into a business, she had talked about moving someplace cheaper. 

“How about I move here and we split the rent? I ought to go away from my parents’ place sometime soon anyway.” That much had been enough to sway her, and by the start of the second month of knowing each other, you had settled into her place. 

You’d both had roommates in college, but living with her came with none of the discomfort of stepping around other people’s needs. What was hers was yours, and vice versa. You picked up on each other’s habits, and though you weren’t as neat as her, she didn’t mind being more lenient on that aspect of her life. You had provided possibilities and variables in a life she had always felt had to be controlled, and she couldn’t have been more thankful for that. 

Rather than simply “living with someone”, life with you had become “living together.” 

❧ ❧ ❧

Jaehee entered the kitchen while a pancake cooked through and you tried picking out which coarseness of coffee beans to use. Though she mostly preferred them to be ground right before making it, you both knew that was unrealistic, so she kept several tins with different roasts and coarseness. 

“Good morning. Why didn’t you wake me up?” she asked as she leant over your shoulder to observe what you were doing. She looked over at the pancakes. “Is anything the occasion? I’m gonna put on weight…” 

“Hush it,” you said, turning around and placing a finger on her lips. Her closeness to you from her previous position, plus the intimacy of your action, made her step back a bit in surprise, her heart thumping. “I didn’t wake you up so you’d let me do something for you, and the occasion is that I wanted to do it. Calories before lunch don’t count, right? Good morning.” 

Jaehee smiled. “Then, you should at least let me help you with the coffee…” 

“I’ve got it all! No work for you!” 

“Alright, I get it,” she said, giggling. “I’ll set up the table then.” That much you couldn’t stop her from. 

A few moments later, you were placing strawberry pancakes for both of you on the table, while she poured the coffee and placed a mug near each of your dishes. She took a sip first. 

“Quite good, actually.” 

You smiled. “That’s because the Queen of Coffee herself had me indoctrinated in her tyrannical ways,” you said dramatically, before taking a sip yourself. “Oh. Not that bad.” 

“See? My tyrannical ways work. And also,” Jaehee continued, having already taken a bite out of the pancakes, “these are especially fluffy. What did you do?”

You told her about cooking tips you had been reading over breakfast, while Jaehee told you more about what she’d been reading last night, and you discussed things regarding the shop and your individual plans for the day. 

As you were picking up the dishes, you heard the familiar notification of the RFA app coming from Jaehee’s phone. She picked it up and smiled after a few seconds.

“It’s Zen. He says there’s an open rehearsal of his new stage play tonight, but there’s not a lot of space where they’re rehearsing and he’d like to save seats for us. Ah, it’s very last minute, but do you want to go?” 

“Of course!” you said. You did like Zen’s musicals and stage plays, although not nearly as much as her – it was far more exciting to see her get riled up about them –, but you were always happy to support him as a friend. 

“I’ll let him know then! As always, thank you for going along my whims.” 

“It’s nothing. I’ll go shower,” you said as she texted him back, with her eyes practically having a visible glint. You went into your bedroom to grab stuff for your shower and took a look at your phone beforehand. No new notifications. 

_“So it’s only her.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not forget Jumin making strawberry pancakes for you in his route. I thought it was the sweetest (heh) thing.
> 
> Hello! This chapter follows a different format, but it's what I felt was needed to get what I wanted across. 
> 
> I don't know whether to apologize or be proud over the length of this. 
> 
> Either way, thanks for the kind reviews on the last chapter, and thanks for reading this far! See you next time!


End file.
